From Time to Time Part 5​

By JASON CURRY
​President, TBHC

“Given Up” or “Given by Love” 
Words have a way of lingering long after they are spoken.
I still remember the first time I heard a young adult describe their adoption story with a quiet pause, “I was…given up.” No anger. No accusation. Just the weight of those words hanging in the air. The language we use tells a story not only to those around us, but to ourselves. It reveals what we believe about our worth, our relationships and even about God.
 
Then vs. Now: What Changed, and Why It Matters 
Phrases like “given up,” “real parents,” or “adopted out” were once common in adoption conversations. They reflected a time when adoption was often spoken about in hushed tones, shaped by secrecy, stigma and limited understanding. This language unintentionally centered stories on loss, shame or abandonment, even when love was deeply present.
 
Today we know more, and we listen better. Many within the adoption community now intentionally use language such as “placed for adoption,” “birth parents,” or “given by love.” This shift isn’t about being politically correct, it’s about being truthfilled and trauma-aware. It reflects what we now understand to be true: words shape identity, influence healing and cultivate hope.
 
What has changed is not the presence of sacrifice or grief, those realities remain. What has changed is our willingness to honor every part of the story with care, dignity and grace.
 
Why Language Matters 
Language does not merely describe reality, it helps shape it.
 
When we say a child was “given up,” we can unintentionally reinforce feelings of rejection. When we say a child was “given by love,” we acknowledge the courage, sacrifice and intentional choice often made in impossible circumstances. Research and best practices consistently show that positive adoption language supports emotional wellbeing by reducing shame and reframing personal narratives in ways that affirm worth and belonging. The goal is not to rewrite history, but to tell it truthfully and compassionately.
 
The Child Welfare Information Gateway emphasizes the importance of respectful and accurate language, noting that it “reflects the complexity of adoption and acknowledges the experiences of all members of the adoption triad—child, birth parents and adoptive parents.” ¹
​
Scripture reminds us that words are never neutral. 
 
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
 
Our calling is not only to speak truth, but to speak it in love (Ephesians 4:15). Adoption language, when rooted in truth and grace, becomes a tool for healing rather than harm.
 
The first chapter of my book offers a glimpse into this reality, telling the story of two of my boys and their journey in becoming Currys. It reflects my desire to honor and respect their origins in a way that created unity rather than division, acknowledging where they came from while celebrating who they were becoming.
 
Words matter, because people matter, my children matter. From time to time, choosing better words is one small but meaningful way we reflect the heart of a God who redeems every story.
 
Where Language Meets Lifelong Care
Words may begin the healing, but they are rarely the end of it.
 
Adoption does not conclude when papers are signed or a child comes home. For many children, youth and families, adoption marks the beginning of deeper questions around identity, belonging, grief and trust. A safe and stable environment creates space for reflection, and over time, pain and false shame become harder to hide.
 
These questions can surface months or even years later, often during seasons of transition, development or spiritual growth. Our children in particular know how to endure hurt, trauma and loss. As one person wisely said, “God doesn’t want to heal you so you can handle pain and shame better, but so you can receive joy and experience true happiness.”
 
Healing is not about becoming stronger at carrying wounds, it is about being fully restored, mind, heart and soul.

Counseling Center for Post-Adoption journey

That is why postadoption services matter
On our campus, counseling is offered not as a shortterm solution, but as a steady presence—a place where adoptees and families can process their stories with care and understanding. Our counseling services are not exclusively, but intentionally, designed for the post-adoption journey, recognizing that love and loss often coexist, and that healing happens best within safe, consistent relationships.
 
Research and lived experience alike affirm that access to adoption-competent, trauma-informed counseling significantly improves longterm outcomes for adoptees and families, strengthening attachment, supporting emotional regulation and nurturing resilience.² When counseling is rooted in truth, compassion and Christcentered hope, it becomes more than support; it becomes discipleship, helping individuals understand who they are, whose they are and how God is faithfully at work in their story.
 
This counseling ministry is a starting point, not an endpoint. It represents our commitment to walk with families not only at the beginning, but along the long road of growth and healing that follows. As we invest in post-adoption care today, we are planting seeds of hope that will bear fruit for generations, because every child needs to thrive, to belong, and to know the love of Jesus in both word and deed.
 
Honoring 115 Years
What began more than a century ago as a response to vulnerable children has become a ministry committed not only to care, but to dignity, healing and lifelong support, including post-adoption services. Our language today reflects the maturity of a ministry that listens, learns and leads with humility. Words matter, because people matter.  And from time to time, choosing better words is one small way we reflect the heart of a God who redeems every story. 
 
A Call to Pray, Give, and Share

• Pray for adoptees, birth families and adoptive families; especially around identity and healing. 
• Share this conversation with your church, small group or family. 
• Give to support post-adoption services that walk alongside families long after placement. 

Next month I will share another installment in my From Time to Time series, running through September to celebrate 115 years of ministry. We may not be the ministry you think we are; we are so much more! 
 
References 
¹Child Welfare Information Gateway. Positive Adoption Language. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (Best-practice guidelines widely used in child welfare and adoption services.) 
² Child Welfare Information Gateway. Finding and Using PostAdoption Services. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s Bureau.
​

---

Memorials & Honorariums

An Expression of Everlasting Love
Many of our friends choose to honor or remember a family member, a friend, or an associate with a gift for the children of TBHC. Texas Baptist Hope for Children, in turn, notifies the appropriate person. Listed in bold letters are those honored or remembered from Apr. 1 to Apr. 30, 2026.
 
ENDOWMENTS
Bill Stokes
 
HONORARIUMS
Cecil Downey: Carlie Downey
Betty Graham: Weldon & Lana Sparks
Frank Heifren: Gary & Mary Stephens, Bro. Igor
Charles & Charlotte Johnson: James Schafer
Tricia Karl: Weldon & Lana Sparks
Dr. Darryl Low: Leon & Johnnie Ross
Diana Pinson McGovern: Charles &
Charlotte Johnson, Charles Ray Harrell
Fred & Carolyn Morrow: James Schafer
Mr. & Mrs. George Philley: Leon & Johnnie Ross
Mr. & Mrs. Ken Pressley: Leon & Johnnie Ross
Lillie Pressley: Leon & Johnnie Ross
Nissa Ross: Leon & Johnnie Ross
Judy Strube: Weldon & Lana Sparks
Mr. & Mrs. Heith Wilkerson: Leon &
Johnnie Ross
TBHC Staff: James Schafer
 
MEMORIALS
Almighty God: Karen Anglin
Bro. & Mrs. Frank Dill: James Schafer
Tommy & Glenda Hall: James Schafer
Buddy & LuLu Hazell: Cheryl Briscoe
Thomas Jay: Deborah Jay
Judy Kramer: Sue Stanley
Lovita Ouimet: James Ouimet
Pat, Sawn & Nathaniel: Shari Moore
Elizabeth Rackley: Jeff & Kristi Bise
Cindy Romine: Robert & Barbara Woods
Billie Schafer: James Schafer
James & Wilma Schoenrock: James Schafer
Sophia & Jett: Tiphany Hood
Weldon Senn: Georgia Senn
David Stanley: Sue Stanley
Harold Suber: Rosewood Baptist Church
Tammy Swanner: Rosewood Baptist Church, Charles & Charlotte Johnson, Mary Ann Patterson, The Patterson Family, Clay & Debbie Irvin, Charles & Lana Turner, Barbara Woods, Quality Granite, Jimmy & Carla Shipp, Sherry Hail, Dale & Trena Tillery, BJ & Sabrina Vestal, Arlyn & Susie Stephens, Scott & Mandy Stephens, Barry & Renee Hail, Jacob & Hollyann Thompson, Kenny & Kim Decker, Chris & Kenzie Bingham, Karla Duggar, Kyla Duggar, Jackie Cox, Lana Stracener, Brian Mauk, Vanessa Watkins, Betty Yocom, Leon & Priscilla McCauley, Terry & Jeannine Howard, Philip & Deborah Howell, Doris Ann Allen, Mike Drennan, Dennis & Terri Glenn, Tina Smith, Doyle & Jackie Howard, Bobby & Lillian Trimble, RBC Praise Team, Stephen & Leanne Way, Bob & Pat McPeek, Michael & Roxanne O’Connor, Ron & Lourita Coe

back to issue